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2004-05-10 - 7:32 a.m. lately i've been really fascinated with the way bodies work. when i got sick on long island & there was no medicine in the house & no good food or tea to make me feel better & there was snow on the ground and nobody to drive me to the store, i went to google and typed "acupressure" in the images box and found a chart of the body & what points one should press on to get some relief. now, i'm no expert, and i don't pretend to be, but i found the spot that helps your large intestine, and it was the only thing that made me feel any better. i was doubled up in pain lying on the floor unable to move beforehand, afterwards i was semi-okay. the chart is here, if anyone's interested. the spot that i think is the most interesting is the "grief/letting go" spot. i tried it with my girlfriend this weekend when she was completely obsessing over something and couldn't drop it, and it seems to have worked--she calmed down considerably, talked about other things, etc. also, that spot is stimulated when you hug someone--their chest grazes against yours and presses it. and being hugged usually does make me feel better, but i wonder if that's why? menstruation is another thing. if you've never experienced it it's impossible to explain, but just a few hormones can REALLY fuck you up. like hot water makes you get goosebumps, things like that. like everything is completely crossed. it's one of my only experiences with real, debilitating pain and it's so horrible and draining. i don't really feel renewed or grateful, just exhausted. i want to do so much shit with my life. i want to go out west & find a cheap-ish holistic healing school (all the ones on the east coast are like 20k a year. i'm assuming there'd be cheaper ones out in cali & oregon where things like this are more respected, but who knows) and go there. i want to move somewhere rural with my girlfriend & try to live sustainably. i want to write books and i want to ride my bike for hundreds of miles. this is all doable, but i also want to stay here. i also know i'm taking the path of least resistance by staying here. i also know that when i was eighteen i packed up everything i owned and moved a thousand miles away to a city where i knew 5 people and then five months later i moved to a city 900 miles away from that where i knew one person and both were so hard especially the first time but i pretended it was nothing. i feel like i can get through things, because of that. it broke my heart and i did it and i did it again and i can keep on doing it, no matter what it takes.
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