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2004-4-14 - 5:09 a.m. these past few weeks have been really intense. i've spent about 6 of the past 30 days as busy as i was in high school, and i was so fucking drained i thought i was going to pass out at points; at odd times, like walking up stairs and such. i need days and days to recover. i kind of can't believe that i did that every day, rising at 6:30. i know why, i mean, i was working and making money and i knew it was my ticket out. that's all. that's the problem with being in comfortable situations: you get lazy. you don't have to fucking fight and fight and fight to survive and say sane and believe that you matter in any way at all. so you sit in the library and read liberal feminist magazines, you eat cheese-laden dinners that make you feel bloated and slightly ill. i'm not complaining at all, i'd rather do this in most ways than have to go through all that shit again. i laughed until my stomach hurt today over a teen magazine that arthur bought at the grocery store. it's been so long. tonight, i could have gone to take back the night, i could have gone to yoga. but everything seems woefully inadequate. commas, commas, commas and periods.
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