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2004-04-03 - 6:44 p.m. two days of utter chaos followed by two days of utter quiet. i've been sitting around the house, hungry but unable to cook or really eat. not wanting human talk at all. it's been raining for days. my teeth are dirty. i'm wearing a clean, new-to-me sweater and thinking about cutting my hair. i can pretend it's fall, but in fall, everything was different. EVERYTHING. phil says it's stupid to capitalize words for emphasis. so what? i wrote a poem that was not about suicide at all. some guy in my poetry class raised his hand and said, "i could relate to this poem because i tried to commit suicide around christmas one year." i could put the poem up here, if anyone wants to see it. i could kind of understand why he'd think it was about suicide, but it was just a weird comment. i was glad he made it, though. i'm gonna be in school until at least 2009. my ten year high school reunion will be in 2010. i doubt i'll go, but really, who knows. i feel bad for everyone who's spent their whole conscious lives in school without ever taking a break. they might feel bad for me though. or just indifferent, and maybe that's worse
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