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2003-12-29 - 2:45 a.m. back in philadelphia, i can't sleep again. i am thinking about lines to old elliott smith songs (they'll all be old songs now. that's so weird, and so sad) and why i could relate to them. i want a violent girl who's not scared of anything would always run and run around in my head when i was younger and weirder. like, yeah. i wanted a violent girl who wasn't scared of anything because everyone was afraid of me, and i thought the only people who could handle the arduous task of being my significant other were fucking crazy. and so, and so, and so. i put up with so much. i was telling current girlfriend about the epiphany that pretty much saved my life, and she hugged me and now she is asleep and now i am s.o. c.o.l.d. who the hell turned on the fan in this cold fucking house? but it's on and i don't feel like turning it off. i'm not saying i'm never going to relate to that song again; just that i know what it's like without it and i'll always know. even when i forget, i'll always know, somewhere. it is late. probably time to sleep. but. i don't know.
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