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2003-10-27 - 6:35 p.m.

this weekend, i almost got another tattoo, but i have fucking NEGATIVE SIX dollars in the bank. sigh fucking sigh. sharon lent me some money, which i feel bad about taking, but which totally saved my ass.

i was going to get a tattoo of an octopus opening a jar. i drew it myself, it looked a lot like the octopus i saw when i was in genovese with kastoory this past june. this octopus was a toy one, and it was so cute i actually started crying, and i'm really not the type of person to do that. it was opening a jar because octopi are really smart, and know how to do that. sharon told me about how there were some octopi in an aquarium who would wait until the aquarium was closed, and then sneak out of their tanks and eat fish from other tanks. they were only caught because of the trail of slime from one tank to the other...that's so cool. i love octopi. but i have negative dollars, and a shred of common sense remaining. so, it didn't happen.

AND i hung out with kastoory and josef, which fucking ruled. we were silly. josef read my cards and said something that really meant a lot. he negated the belief i've held for the past three years, that i am inherently evil and there's nothing i can do to redeem myself. i trust in those cards. i trust in those kids. i worked out with a four-year-old boy, i ran around new york. and here i am, upstate again. here. i. am.

things are different. they really are. now that i know.

 


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