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2003-09-24 - 9:41 p.m. i had to go to the health center yesterday for a physical, to determine if i was physically fit enough to handle the "rigors of college life". At one point, the doctor said, "How long has it been since you cut yourself?" in a very matter-of-fact way. I hate it when doctors say that. Like they're the first one to cut through the bullshit, like i'm going to fall all over the examining table thanking them for being the only person brave enough to address that to me. fuck that. i've had strangers talk to me, amazing conversations, and i've had people freak out and even a girl who i thought i could really love break up with me because in her words i was "too fucked up" and the last time i saw her she was something of a cokehead and i was not in love with anyone especially not her, and i've had co-workers inviting me to church because of it and i have had pills and religious pamphlets and sideways glances and embarrassing silences because of these neat white rows on my arms. i remember at one of the worst points of my life counting 125 noticable scars and i was thinking why no oh when is this ever going to be over but at the same time i really didn't want it to stop you know? "it's been a while," i said, in a really quiet voice.
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