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2003-08-21 - 7:04 p.m. i have been hanging out with old friends and remembering that people love me who aren't my girlfriend; it's a difficult thing to remember. but at the same time, i wonder how i could have forgotten. walking around giggling with alyson and shannon in park slope, i felt okay. you should have seen me running up the subway stairs to get to them, i felt on fire and laughed a lot. i saw brett for the first time in two years last night and we talked for six hours. it's so weird that we are always on the same page; it's so weird that he was terribly lonely this spring on 44th street and i was terribly lonely this spring at my job on 22nd street. twenty-two blocks, and neither of us had any idea. i have been spending all day panicking about my new zine. i was very confident about it before i'd made copies; now i am seeing tiny things that i can imagine spelling my ruin. i need white-out, or self-confidence. but hey, speaking of the zine, if you want a copy, you should email your address to me--escape_well@yahoo.com--and i'll send one to you. it's about: bizarre junior high occurrences. a poetic terrrorism collective i was in briefly. skin and memory. lonely gloves. the weird things that are bouncing around my brain. if you like me, or this journal, you'll probably like it. due to a stroke of incredible luck i have free copies; so you don't have to pay me. money is tight and i would appreciate a buck or a few stamps, but i understand if you can't or don't want to. trades are even better: zines, mixtapes and stripy socks, please. i hung out at the library for hours today getting angry with everything. i wanted to flail around on the floor, screaming. i'm so nervous about everything. last night brett told me, "people can say what they want about your zine. and they won't be right. they won't be wrong, either. it's just what they think" and that is a tiny salve, i guess. i went to brighton beach with tiger yesterday. to the ocean. the subway car back was plastered with pics of tigers and we laughed at the irony. tiger and ocean. literally and figuratively.
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