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2003-06-25 - 2:54 p.m. every summer i've had since graduating high school has been kinda boring and annoying. comprised of work, low self-esteem, sweating and deteriorating friendships. i'm sure that this can be avoided, but it's tooo hot to do anything meaningful! that said, everyone needs to come visit me in bklyn. we can drink 40s on my rooftop where you can see most of brooklyn & part of manhattan. watch the sun sink over crown heights. kids riding double, bottles breaking, everyone walking slow through the heat barely making eye contact. i keep thinking that i just wrote "bottles breathing" instead of "bottles breaking". i wanna hug the past. it has poison spikes though. i wanna quit being so fucking irrational, taking signs where there are none and just generally being too weird for almost everyone. yesterday, i was walking to the subway. a guy on the street corner screamed, "that girl needs to be ASHAMED of herself!" i looked over at the girl next to me, showing lots of cleavage. i think we both thought he was talking about us. who knows what he was even saying though. today i was reading "doris" #20 on the subway. i was reading that part called "fight", about women who will yell at creepy men in public but who let their boyfriends treat them like shit, about boys who say they'd never do brave things if they were a girl & how fucked up that is, how they have absolutely no idea. this guy who looked like he was in his mid-20s, wearing a business suit, very skinny was sitting next to me and i noticed him reading intently over my shoulder, looking like he was concentrating on every word. but was he really thinking about it, or was he just bored on the subway, looking for a way to pass the time? after i turned the page, he did look throughtful. i wanted to ask him what he thought, if he was going to reconsider every action he made towards women now, if he had ever thought about these things before. but there is that wall between subway-people that is very rarely lept over, and he got off on wall street anyway.
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