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2003-05-14 - 11:58 a.m. i buy my dreams in bulk and think up elaborate escape plans. i want to move to california, shave my head and stamp my bare scalp with rubber stamps. new ones every time i bathe, changing with my moood. i guess now would be as good a time as any to address the fact that a lot of you refer to me as a "wanderer" or whatever, and it really pisses me off, to be honest. dudes, i went on ONE roadtrip three years ago. yeah, i've moved a lot since then, but that's mainly because i am a magnet for unstable living situations. i'm not "running from myself", i'm not "hiding", i just don't have a permanent home and if i had the choice i would probably choose to have one. i wish i wasn't passive-aggressive enough to have to write it in here. i live in crown heights, brooklyn right now. it's okay, i guess. i don't spend a lot of time there. yesterday on the subway, a teen boy referred to me as "harry potter". on another subway, i saw a hetero couple, dressed in a way that was almost victorian. they brought a big, old-style velvet loveseat with them & sat in that instead of the subway benches. it was equal parts pretentious and magical. i have been hating my friends for being human, hating myself for things i have said years ago. amazing things are happening in my heart and life, but i don't want to talk about them here. i hate being vague, but that's the way it has to be. i am at work now, and i really have to go. my life is sold in vending machines, wrapped up and transported underneath this city. the cats interrupt my dreams and nothing makes sense.
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