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2003-02-17 - 4:30 p.m. this was one of the weirdest & best weekends i've ever had. the part that would probably be the most interesting to people who read my diary is: i went to the protests in new york. i've never been to such a huge demonstration before, or seen something that made me feel so powerful and yet powerless simaultaneously. there is no way that i can sum it up, just recount random things about it that are going to stick with me for a long time if not forever. like the cop with his hand on his gun, ready to whip it out at any second. like when the police began charging and the guy standing next to me called 911 in a panic, screaming over and over again, "MEN WITH GUNS ARE ATTACKING PEOPLE AT 53rd AND LEX! MEN WITH GUNS ARE ATTACKING INNOCENT CIVILIANS!" surely realizing the ironic value. like hearing a guy with a queens/long island accent screaming, "we ain't faahgot about diallo!" (maybe that's not a big deal for you, but nearly everyone i know with an accent is apolitical, and new york accents are a big theme in my life.) like how, before the march got violent, some guy was waving a baby with a blanket over his head out of his fifth story window at the crowds below in a desperate michael jackson impersonation attempt. like looking a police horse in the face, two inches from me, as it was ready to charge. like not being brave enough and stepping back. like when we were chanting "THIS IS NOT DEMOCRACY" and i meant it more than anything that i've ever said, screaming so loud that my voice was breaking, so loud that other protesters (in a crowd of at least 50,000) actually turned around to see who was being so fucking loud, so loud i was shaking and about to collapse, so loud that i actually touched a spot inside of me that i've never touched before, the blind rage at things and the pure feeling that things need to be changed. i've probed around that spot in my mind before, but never really hit the button and i have and i'm different now. i will never forget the way that the police wouldn't let us on the subway, or the soldiers with automatic rifles on the subway the night before, or how on the train going over nearly everyone was going to the demo & there was such a feeling that we were in this together. i will never forget how, just as we were leaving, a woman was screaming, more upset than almost anyone i've ever seen, screaming and crying: this racist fucking country! i can stand on a fucking sidewalk if i want to! this racist country! and a larger, older woman was holding her, with the screaming woman sobbing into her breasts. the older woman had a tear running down her face and was staring at the cops ordering everyone off the sidewalk. the older woman just said, quietly, i know, honey. i know.
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