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2003-01-11 - 5:54 p.m. newsflash: i was just thinking about how truly fucking weird this town is (oyst*er b*ay [asterisks so it doesn't show up in search engines], new york, for the curious). then i went to stop 'n' shop with my mom & i was completely convinced. we ran into a gossipy ex-neighbor in the store and she filled us in on the gossip from the neighborhood (which i currently live in, technically, although i never leave my house except to go to the city). she told us a story about the alcoholic couple down the street, in their sixties. she said that the wife had died while she was at her sister's house, the next town over. the husband called the funeral home and asked that the wife be transported over, so they could spend "one last night" together. the coroner said yes, and the neighborhood kids started shrieking, "the dead lady's going in the house!" my neighbor went over to investigate, only to see them wheeling a dead body *into* the house. the dog started barking like crazy, so another neighbor who was totally unaware of the sitch at hand came over to bitch about the dog. he walked in the open door, only to see the dead wife propped up in a chair & the dog freaking out. neighbor ran off, forever silenced. my sleazy stepdad said, "i hope they didn't get it on! although i guess you wouldn't have to worry about your performance." EW. now the guy stays at home, drinks all day, and buys cars from the late 80's to put in his backyard. i think he buys them with her life insurance.
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