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2003-01-01 - 1:33 a.m. i had a mediocre new years which had the following good components: the degrassi jr. high marathon, cookies and serenity. i put in a short guest appearance at the crazy kazi party down the street, it was interesting and everyone sure did look nice but all of the shouting gave me a headache so i said my goodbyes (kastoory's cousin probol yelled, "don't go ocean, without you i'm the only one that makes sense!"). i'm totally sick. here is something i wrote a little earlier. A PLUS/MINUS THING ABOUT THE YEAR. I TOTALLY STOLE THE IDEA FROM ELKA. two thousand and two. +getting my sister into bands such as new order, depeche mode & kaia +no bike accidents +living in brooklyn -losing almost all of my friends due to moving, apathy, not wanting to take their shit anymore or sudden realization of complete incompatibility +trying not to take anyone's shit anymore -guy standing on my front porch at 3am, screaming into our open, barred window about how he was going to rape me & my housemate +LEAVING PHILADELPHIA! +jumping off a 10 foot cliff at the devil's pool -friends & i getting harrassed at the devil's pool by fat-phobic thugs +friends & i fighting back & chasing the assholes through the woods screaming -money getting stolen from my house, housemates & i blamed -lost or stolen: my camera, my FAVORITE shirt that i've had since i was nine years old, about half of my cd collection (which wasn't huge to begin with), my hair-buzzers, a lot of my clothes -a scary fucking guy threatened to kick my ass one day at work, then came back a few days later with about three of his buddies & they stayed at my work (30th street station in philadelphia) for four hours, presumably waiting for me to get off. i tried to tell my manager he was making me uncomfy, and she said, "oh, he's a cop. he won't do anything to you." +but they left before i got off work, thank god. i lie awake at night terrified sometimes, wondering how i escaped that one. -breakup of la concha, the only home i've ever felt safe in +meeting kate and having adventures + re-connecting with best high school friends +my family being largely fun +thinking that i lost all of my journals & photo albums, only to find them just when i'd given up hope +lots of good makeouts -consumed with erroneous hate for various ex-friends & lovahs, to the point where it's really scary and i don't know what to do + "8 mile" and "bowling for columbine" +working at 30th street station & meeting all sorts of people -getting way mistreated by my bosses at 30th street -having no direction in my life -being more apathetic than i have been in years -my dad proposing to his scary girlfriend and being totally psychotic ever since -being drunk for days that turned into weeks that sometimes turned into months +quitting smoking -starting again +quitting again! +thousands of good conversations +nyc critical mass +hanging out with brendan again after a 2 year hiatus +making eye contact with a businessman in the parking lot of the hicksville kinko's as i sang a particularly raunchy part of "put it in your mouth" which was blasting out of kastoory's stereo at the time +josef's tarot card reading -friends scattered all around the country -no money -[unmentionable] -mom's boyfriend overdosing again, and again, and again in her house & ruining lives every time -mom kicking stepsister out +didn't cut myself even once -but i thought about it every day -worrying about people +learning how to make mac 'n' not cheese +several good parties, and i usually hate parties +palling around with old zine friends +feeling like things are going to change +/- confronting scary issues +talking in fake, high pitched british accents
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