|
|
2002-10-19 - 9:39 p.m. i've been thinking about taking this thing down lately, just copy-and-pasting all the entries into a text file and deleting it. oh you know i won't, i'm too much of an aries attention hog, but that doesn't mean i don't ponder it. i saw "the business of fancydancing" yesterday night and it changed me in a small way. i can barely remember the plot of the movie, or any of the moments. i remember sitting in my chair, rubbing one hand on my thigh, really feeling the fabric of my pants, feeling my feet in my shoes and truly being there. watching the main character's mouth move. he was speaking english, but i wasn't really sure what he was saying. i guess sometimes when you're "in the moment" you lose track of the point of that said moment. it was interesting, anyway. i got a $60 summons today because i let mary join me in the turnstile as i swiped my metrocard, effectively getting us both into the subway for the price of one. a cop saw us, of course, and we both got tickets. mary was smart & gave a fake name & d idn't give id, but the last time i had a run-in with the law the officer told me, "if you don't have i.d., i'm taking you in right now." of course i was in california then and the laws are different in new york, but i wasn't thinking. SHIT. i'm so stupid. we went to audition for a lesbian experimental theatre piece. i was so nervous about the summons that i totally fucked up my monologue, though. oh boo fucking hoo. the main reason why i did it at all was: my horoscope said, "aries, you need to start taking risks and truly living again. the universe will come in and kick your ass if you accept boredom & apathy; the quickest way to counter that is to face your fears, regularly." i'm not afraid to do lots of things, really. this was the only thing i could think of to do (besides driving a car, which i am NOT about to do ANYTIME soon). if anyone has any suggestions, just put them in the guestbook. thanks. i was on the r train the other day, which goes right to my neighborhood, but i randomly jumped up and ran out & got on the W, which doesn't really stop near my house but goes over the manhattan bridge, and you can look out onto the city and be happy that you live in (or near, rather) such a beautiful gleaming thing. at the beginning you can even look into people's apartments and see what they're doing, just for a second. all i saw was people at a table, lots of people, it looked like a community center. i hope so.
|
