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2002-09-28 - 12:05 a.m. i wish brett wasn't a total misogynist, because i really want to talk to him, because he's the only person who really understands about being alone. he was a lot better at it than i am, being mean to people he didn't like, going off to corners at raves and being alone and thinking. i've never been able to give up my addiction to people but by god i am so sick of having to open my mouth & have fake conversation come out. everything sounds & feels so fucking stupid. last night my father said, to me, completely seriously, "i know somebody brainwashed you when you were a kid. that's why you think you're a lesbian. i just can't figure out who would do something like that." i started my job & it's okay. i am working in chelsea, a faaaabulous fabulous gay neighborhood in manhattan, mailing books for a small publishing company. i'm used to working at jobs where my co-workers sneak off to have sex with each other & steal money from the cash register & slack off all the time. it's weird being in a working environment with yuppies & trying to be one & failing so miserably. today i was standing in front of whole foods, waiting for josef to pick me up, looking at buildings and people. two construction dudes were slacking on the corner, and one of them turned to me and said, "look up," and i did. there were two cloud fronts, one closer to us & moving really fast & the other one further away & slower & fluffier. "i've never seen that before," he said, and i said maybe the weather's gone crazy. his friend noticed him talking to me. what the hell are ya?he said to cloud-observing-guy, sounding completely incredulous.mister g-spot? of course they walked away then.
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