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2002-02-16 - 11:38 p.m. lately i've been making out in the closet while my roomates look in the window and shriek, smoking cigarettes and having okay conversations, screaming "what's my motherfucking name?" in time with ja rule in the song "i'm real" in a way that totally terrifies everyone, pondering moving to tucson and trying not to be empty. it's harder than you'd think, yet still pretty easy. i don't really have any anecdotes that i'd like to share. i had a talk with a man at the $3 chinese food place about how the world is ending, me & kate & theresa got hit on by two 10-year old boys on south street today. is this what it means? living only in present tense? maybe it's just the 500 chemicals in cigarettes fucking with my head, but everything feels so fastforwardfastforwardfastforward. maybe i'll go home and figure out how to make tofu scrambler. maybe while i am walking home i will find someone who can change my life, lurking in the shadows, in good ways or bad ways (i am in an office with two semi-nerdy environmentalists. i just farted loudly and they stopped talking suddenly). my 1-year anniversary of getting out of long island is coming up, my 5 year anniversary of an important ephipany is coming up in may. i celebrate every year, quietly. i want to create my own personal holidays, i want everyone to create their own personal holidays. i want to go to first kiss parades, sudden realization dances and not be the only one there.
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